I am inspired by Frank Ocean’s recent blog post where he wrote a letter to Himself 5 years ago. You can find it here. This is someone who followed their heart. This is what I try to do myself. In spite of what I grew up hearing about what, “I should do,” or what, “I was capable of doing.” I am following my heart.
So, today I am going to write a letter to myself 5 years ago, Feb 9, 2009.
Dear Alana,
I want you to know that everything will be okay. You are going to be moving back home with Mom in a couple of days because your drinking has gotten really bad again. I want you to know that after you move out of Dad’s, He will go through one of the roughest periods of his life but it is a blessing in disguise because He will end up being taken care of. None of it was your fault.
You will get sober this year on May 29 from drugs and alcohol. No matter how bad it gets, I want you to know that your pain will benefit others through helping them get sober eventually. Your eating disorder will not control your life when you get sober, because God blesses you with a Miracle to stop the compulsion to control your inner world through abusing yourself in these ways. You will help many people in this area as well. Spirituality is going keep you afloat through all of these changes.
This is you on your first year sober! This celebration is for you if you don’t believe Me!
and then on your second year of sobriety!
It keeps going, this May you will have 5 years sober!
Yoga is going to become a great provider of peace for you and eventually others through you. You will find a studio that feels like home in late summer of 2009 and it will feel like this is what you have been searching for your whole life. You are going to be a Yoga Teacher, but first you will practice often for 3 years until you meet the Woman who will train you on how to teach.
You will run a half marathon and then a full marathon in 2011.
You will make friends that feel like family and eventually move out of Mom’s, never to go back because you have finally learned how to take care of yourself. There is a lot of help along the way, but you are going to really do it this time. Yes, you finally get a car and will see that it was in the Plan to get your first car at 23 because you probably would have died or hurt others otherwise.
You will get your heart broken three times over the next few years. The first one you will realize was for the best. The next two will be by the Man that you are going to end up with in 5 years, madly in love with. He will break your heart so that you can learn how to love Yourself and God first. So don’t worry, keep working on Yourself and it will all work out.
You will travel the world. Yes. So when you get your passport for, “No reason,” in a couple of months, know that there is SO MUCH REASON. You will spread Joy all over the world, because it is your PURPOSE to do so. You will show others that, “Following your dreams,” is more than just a saying; it is a way of life. You will grow into an incredible woman. Your Mom and Dad, your friends, community, and life-partner will love you for just being You. They will be incredibly proud of all that you accomplish. You will find the courage to go after your dreams of teaching yoga, traveling, and writing about it every step of the way. You will find the courage because God will lift you up everytime you find it.
You’ve made it, Alana.
So wipe those tears off of your face , everything is going to be OK.
With much love,
You, 5 years from this moment. Feb 9, 2014.
This is YOU NOW!
Alana’s love for yoga came from firsthand experience with just how powerful the practice is. “In 2009, Yoga found me. Inside the studio, she experienced a deep sense of belonging, but the most profound part was what happened after. “I felt as though I was at true peace. I finally knew what the word meant. Until that moment, I had just understood it cerebrally. There is something profound to be said about Peace dropping into the heart.”